Monday, January 18, 2010 ❣

No one is forcing you to read this.

My weekend with mama was fun.
Another week of not seeing her ):

First, I don't remember mentioning I've cut my hair in this blog. So yeahh, I've cut my hair. On thursday i think. I find it weird and doesn't suit me. So i'm not gonna cut like this again.

I spent my day having my face stick to my desk, closing my eyes thinking about you. And every teacher that came into the class couldn't see me. I needa get my mind off you or else this might get serious. And i know you don't want it to. I like watching you =) Just watching you smile makes me smile. Heh. Sometimes when i see you alone, i feel like running to you and talk to you. But on the other hand, we have nothing to talk about. It'll just feel awkward. So watching you from a distance is enough for me. It's so weird. When i see you my heart beats faster than usual. (I'm serious.) When i walk pass your class. My heart beats even faster. It feels like someone's forcing me to sit the worlds highest/fastest/scariest roller coaster. And i'd feel like my heart could just come outta my mouth. My mom would skin me alive if she knew what i'm thinking about now. Maybe cause i know she'll be very worried.

I'm such a heartless person. Maybe he's already forgive me. But i know i haven't forgive myself. I feel so guitly. WHY CAN'T YOU STOP BEING A NICE PERSON AND HATE ME! I notice i've been very coward after 2008. And guess what, I think there's something wrong with my eyes. Not like short sighted or anything. Cause i've already have specs for that. When i was on facebook. I saw that Fxxxx xxxxx's name. But after taking a second look i notice it was Kxxxx xxxx. And i read something wrongly. I've mistaken 'urself' with 'result'. Wtf right? Whats wrong with me ): I don't think its because i read too fast. Sigh. All of the sudden so many problems appear in front of me. I really don't know how to deal with them. And there's no one i can tell them to. I'm even keeping secrets from Melissa. I mean, there are a lot of things i haven't tell her. Idk is it because i'm afraid or because i just don't want to. I have so many questions and so many things to say. But they just can't seem to come outta my bloody mouth! And if they don't come out, HOW CAN I GET MY GODDAMN ANSWERS!

I need to get my head clear now.
I actually have a very funny conversation to post today. A convo jiahui & Encik Haikal had during class today. But i'm not in the mood. So till next time.

I notice my english is quite terrible. SEE! I can't even seem to fine a better word for terrible! wtf .__.

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Funny you scrolled all the way down here :P Hehehe. Have a great day ahead ❤