Hello there, beautiful creatures of the earth!For most of you who did not know, I am not religious. To add on to that, I am also very shallow in knowledge when it comes to religions. I consider myself an atheist not because I do not want to believe in any gods, but because I can't seem to do so. That being said, if one day I do feel the presence of a higher being, I wouldn't deny it or reject the fact that there is an existence of it. But as of now, this is all I have. The title may seen a little misleading as this wasn't my actual FIRST time at church. But anyway, the last time I step foot into a church was 6 years ago. So, I guess we'll just leave it at that.
In my entire life, I have been to 3 churches. And through every visit, all I felt was skeptical, a little uncomfortable and very curious. Mostly due to the fact that I only went because that Christian friend of mine asked me to. I have to admit, I wasn't very fond of the idea back then. The first church I went to was a small one, I was also very young. We'll talk about that another time.
The second church I went to was a catholic church and all I did throughout the service was admiring the amazing architecture of the building. It was huge! Just like those you see in movies where the couple gets married. I didn't even know buildings like these exist in Malaysia (ok in my defense, i was young ok hahaha). I turned my head over to my friend and his family and gasped, 'WAA SO BIG ONE AH?!'. (ahem, that's what she said)
I have also been to one Christmas event hosted by a chinese church, also because a friend asked me to. The entire event was such a blur that I don't even remember acquiring anything out of that night. All I remember was that I didn't understand anything and at the end of the event, I looked over to my friend and asked '他们一直在讲的那个‘耶稣’是什麽来的？？' (‘耶稣’ is the chinese name for Jesus, can you imagine the amount of times it was repeated during the event? and I only asked what it was AFTER the event ended!) It was an amazing face palm moment for my friend.
Every one time someone mentioned 耶稣 (Jesus), all I was imagining in my head was 椰树 (coconut tree).
I felt like it was a waste of time because I couldn't understand much. Not because I couldn't speak chinese, it's just that the terminologies were too deep/impossible for me to comprehend (ok so basically chinese fail). Anyway, so that was that. I haven't been doing anything close to religious for more than half a decade since then.
It was Good Friday and there was a production at this church. And as usual, a friend asked me to tag along. I thought to myself, ok its been so long. Maybe things will change this time. What could go wrong?
The night started out good. There were a ton of singing, a lot of standing, too many greetings and the church was very cold. The performers that night were great. The tricky part was when they began to pray and worship. Usually, I would somehow feel... Out of place. Like, why can't I see what they see? At this age, maybe I see things differently compared to how I used to. In a more receptive way, I guess. Although, I still couldn't feel what everyone else felt in that very same room. And to me, it was clear enough that these people standing beside me actually feels 'something' strong. However, I do feel extremely calm. The service was so emotional that I felt that if I actually believed, I'd burst out into tears. I was touched, in some way.
I love the idea of so many people coming together to do something that they all believe in and have passion for. I mean, wouldn't it be nice if I could have a group of people that enjoys singing and comes together every Sunday just to sing? Or maybe something simpler, to have #themonsters9x get together every Sunday? Everyone has their busy schedules. But church goers end up in the same place at least 1 day of the week all the time.
I felt calm... As everyone around me closed their eyes and lowered their heads, everything in that room felt so peaceful. I felt like if I were to have a horrible week, going to that place and anticipating to see the familiar faces would bring me back on track and enhance my mood. It was weird. I felt like that place was perfect for rejuvenation because there were so many words of motivation and encouragement flying all around the room! If you think about it, after having a hectic week filled with disappointment, you end the week by going to this place where the people there constantly yells at your face 'You can do it!', 'You are half way there', 'You're on the right track!', 'Failure is the path to success!'.
To have a session every one day of the week where your group of friends all come together, each share their experiences as well as motivate and praise each other. Don't you think that sounds... funny?
What do I think?
Even if it wasn't for the right or the same reasons, going to church that day made me feel lighter. I feel less stressed out and I was really calmed. I wonder, what was it that made me feel that way? All I did was awkwardly stood there, swayed from left to right while everyone sang and stared at people while they do what they do. But still, I felt so comfortable. Since it is a place that enhances your mood, I think it is a good place to be regardless of whether you're a christian or not.
I may not believe in the existence of a higher being, I may never will. I may not be able to feel the presence of god. I may not be able to appreciate and feel whatever everyone else in the church feels, but I do enjoy the company and I treasure every single word of encouragement and motivation from everyone there. It is indeed a very POSITIVE AND SOUL-LIFTING place to be every Sunday. So, the answer is yes, Although for a completely different reason, if I'm welcomed, I will definitely go to church again.
Aside from what's already been said, here's what else I gained out of Good Friday...
1) No Longer Slaves - Bethel Music2) Grace To Grace - Hillsong Worship
Yeap. After that night, these two songs ended up being stuck in my head for... wait for it... SEVEN DAYS. Now what does that tell you? I even created a Spotify playlist just for these two songs!
A PLAYLIST... for TWO SONGS... on LOOP... for SEVEN DAYS!
A PLAYLIST... for TWO SONGS... on LOOP... for SEVEN DAYS!
See you soon, kids!